Asperger’s Syndrome at Work: Why Small Talk Matters
If you’re like many people with Asperger’s syndrome, you categorize small talk as a nonsensical (neurotypical) NT ritual in which people waste time talking about stupid topics that no one really cares about.
However, small talk is actually a fundamental skill in the workplace. It’s the first step in building those important relationships with your colleagues. Most neurotypicals (who make up the majority of the workforce) highly value relationships. So much so that a good relationship with the supervisor and the liking of co-workers are consistently rated as important factors for job satisfaction.
Sharing some friendly comments with co-workers you see in the lunchroom or elevator sends the message that you consider yourself part of the group. A little chat with your coworkers is the starting point for building camaraderie and trust.
You don’t really need to I like it someone in order to act friendly with them at work. Sometimes small actions go a long way toward establishing yourself as likable. For example:
-Greet co-workers you see or interact with in the morning by saying “Good morning” or asking “Hi, how are you?”
-Smile when you greet people or walk down the hall. If necessary, practice to make it natural. A person who does not smile is often perceived as angry or distant.
-Get together with your classmates for lunch on a regular basis.
How to make a little talk
Small talk is the discussion of general and neutral topics for short periods of time (usually no more than 5 minutes). Neutral topics are things like weather, traffic, sports, a national news, plans for the weekend, etc. Topics to avoid are those that polarize people (politics, religion, race), make them feel uncomfortable (sexual issues), or personal observations (weight, clothing, hairstyle, gestures). Negative comments about other employees or the company should also be avoided.
If you don’t follow sports teams or popular TV shows, you can still find small talk topics. Many local news stations have websites that provide short summaries of the main news. This is a quick way to stay informed about what is happening in your community.
The point of a small talk is to make connections with others. To do this, you must have a discussion for at least two or three turns. If you answer a question or comment with a one-word answer or by saying “I don’t know,” you won’t go any further.
Let’s say you’re in the break room and someone asks if you watched a particular sporting show or event. You answer “No.” Wow! The conversation is over. Instead, ask a question to express your interest in the other person, such as “I haven’t seen that show, what is it about?” or “I don’t follow baseball. Do you play?”
Here’s another example that illustrates how a little chat can be the bridge to building good relationships with your coworkers. Someone asks, “Did you get stuck in that traffic jam on Route 66?” Instead of saying “no,” he says, “No, I live in Smithtown, so I don’t take the highway to get here.” The other person responds, “I used to drive around Smithtown when I was working at ACME Widgetworks.” Responds: “I worked at ACME six years ago in the R&D group.” His new acquaintance says, “I was in R&D too. We should meet for lunch this week.”
This type of scenario is not uncommon and can be the beginning of long-term, productive business relationships. Although it may be uncomfortable at first, consider small talk as an important business skill to practice.
Extracted from Asperger Syndrome Workplace Survival Guide: A Neurotypic’s Secrets to Success, © 2010 Barbara Bissonnette, Forward Movement Coaching.