4G boy-girl relationships
Most boys and girls enter puberty around the age of 11 or 12! Within a couple of years, they become capable of having a physical relationship. But our religious and social norms do not allow sex before marriage. I am sure that most of the people reading this article are adults and know that controlling physical desire for a long period of time is almost impossible. I talk to many parents and they are all very concerned about the future of their offspring, especially in case it is a girl here in India. Many parents have given up and ask their children to at least have a secure relationship. This is one of the main concerns in the minds of parents and is rarely discussed publicly.
There is a basic problem with the idea of sex education. Early attempts at sex education were limited to teachers explaining the scientific details of having a sexual relationship. That is really out of character in my opinion. Any smart child can find out by talking to a friend or reading. What they need to be told is the social and physical implications of the act and really hope for the best. In India, the marriageable age for a girl is 18 and for a boy 21. I come from a different generation and was told that the ideal age to marry is 25 for boys and 21 for girls. But there are many families in India who marry off their daughter around the age of 15. For the most part, they do not know the law. But even if they were, it wouldn’t make much of a difference. The reason behind this is more social in most cases. Society has failed miserably to make parents of girls feel secure about their daughter’s future. The lower income class is the victim in these situations. What can be seen as teenage stupidity can be a big turning point in the girl’s future.
But what can someone do to stop short-term or one-time physical relationships? The truth is nothing but hope unless you wish to return to the days of kings and queens. Well, here are some things you can try and explain to your offspring:
1. The typical body of a teenage boy or girl takes 6 to 10 years to fully develop. They are not mature during this period and their likes and dislikes change. Explain this to them by saying that your choice of partner could change within the period. The things you liked about a person will change over the years, so committing too early can be a mistake. It is advisable to wait until it is fully grown to make a long-term commitment. It’s like not eating before your entire dinner is ready. It spoils the appetite.
2. Young people are generally bad at evaluating potential threats. So resisting temptation is very difficult for most young people. They are prone to taking undue risks without considering the consequences. An early commitment will make them consider the idea of experimenting with sex. It is not only the desire but the lack of experience that forces young people to be victims of it. It takes time to get used to the newfound skill.
3. Most young people are not in a position to take responsibility for the relationship. Sometimes it can be a good idea to make it clear. A child outside of that relationship will be as difficult to raise as the parents themselves are children. The financial dependence of the parents will not allow the children to support their spouse for a period of time. And by the time they are independent, the best years of their lives may be gone.
4. Being able to distinguish between infatuation and true love requires maturity. It’s a fact that most teen romances don’t last. The rush of hormones is misinterpreted as love. If it was true love, it never fails or fades with time. So there’s no problem waiting until you’re mature enough, right?
Parents are usually closest to young people up to a certain age, but sweet young people become rebellious as teenagers and tend not to listen to good advice from a sensible parent. This is where a good old faith in “Mom or Dad knows best” would come in handy.
Of course, this is all assuming that a physical relationship in adolescence is not a good one. If you become a man or a woman at the age of 12, what are you supposed to do until you are married at 25? A very fundamental question and I honestly don’t know the answer. An early marriage maybe at 21 for boys and 18 for girls? I don’t know. There are a plethora of young people who will oppose this. They will say that they are not ready at that age because they have barely finished their education, let alone earning enough to support their new family. Or do we make some social adjustments and accept premarital relations? Well, I’m pretty sure we’re not ready for the second solution. An early marriage, why not? A marriage at a young age doesn’t have to be too much responsibility alone, it could be fun with a partner as young as you and one can share some common likes and dislikes. It could be a lot of bonus too.