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My mother, Mary, passed away suddenly on August 22. The following is the eulogy I delivered at his funeral mass that Saturday. Many of my friends and family have asked me to post this, for your support, for me and my mom, thank you all for being there.

Thank you all for coming today. Thank you, P. Paul, for your special words for Mom. Thanks to Father Powers for being so kind as to have us here again in San Patricio, the second home of my mother and father. Thanks to Sister Flora, my mom’s classmate in high school, for helping me organize this mass. Thank you to all of our friends and family for being here and especially to everyone at the Center, my mother’s home for the past three years. Please forgive me if I forget a name or two as I go along.

Well, I have to tell you that I really believed that I would not speak at my mother’s funeral because the joke between us was that she would outlive me. But I know that God has other plans: some fundraising program, church bazaar, or religious education program that will unfold in heaven.

My mother and I had a typical fine line mother-daughter relationship. So there was always a lot of sarcasm, a lot of laughs, discussions, special moments, avoided topics and, most of all, love.

They called my mom by many names.

Maria caldera

Mary parmel

Mommy

Ms. Parmel

Miss mary

Mother

Maria carmela

Baby mary

Me

And he had many, we will call them, idiosyncrasies.

She was organized. My mother worked for Cohn, Hall, Marx in the textile industry, where she was a “bill of lading” clerk; keeping things in order was his strong suit. From the Candy Table with Marie Marzigliano, to the collection and distribution of Milk Money, to her beloved Library, my mother organized everything in her own way. He kept meticulous records of all the fundraising activities and programs he was in charge of and taught me to do the same.

My mother was relentless. I always knew that she would harass many, if not all, to “buy their lunch tickets”, “bring books of opportunity”, and so on. – Janet Adler will attest to this that my mother would put in you the fear of Mary (which was much stronger than God’s) that you would not enter the festivities if you were not paid before.

Mom was a good athlete. The best, my father, Marty, George and many others, made fun of her, including me; Being chased by Nino and a two pound lobster, her camp was overrun by Lella and Rae with an entire restaurant, she took all the taunts, though she protested. She never admitted it, but she loved being the center of attention. She was always up for a laugh and usually had a nice one-line sentence.

My mother knew how to listen. When you could get my mom’s attention with a problem you had, she would listen for hours. He would ask you all the right questions, give you feedback, and usually leave you with something like, “I know it’s not easy, but hold on!”

My mother was our own news source. He always prided himself on watching the news, Court TV, “Meet the Press” and more, although someone, usually me or my father, had to explain the nuances to him. I’m a Today Show baby to this day because she always made sure that we watched together in the mornings when I was little; He worked on the Board of Elections for years, and if he could have, he would have revamped the entire system long before last year’s election, singlehandedly!

My mother was loyal. She was the middle daughter who stayed home; she was married young to her high school boyfriend, my father, Ernie. They helped my Aunt Flo when she became a widow with Patrick and Debbie; my father and mother spent their weekends helping around the house, playing with the children, and being a shoulder to their sister. She cared about my grandparents, all of them, never ever made a distinction between her own parents and her in-laws. She was not blessed for being a mother by birth, but it was, as she always said, “Blessed for having the best day of her life, when I held you in my arms”, the day that she and my father made the trip. to Angel Guardian to pick me up. She was the contact with my father’s family in Gibraltar, although I never met them because we were family. He stayed by my father’s side until he breathed his last ten years ago. He talked to his brother-in-law, my Uncle Mort every day sharing his “isms” and more. She talked to her best friend, my Aunt Mary D. every day.

Mary Parmel, the librarian, was a weekly reminder for hundreds of children who passed through St. Patrick’s school. She started volunteering here when I entered first grade and left alone after forty-three years and her health issues got the better of her. “Put your chair in”, “What are the magic words?” “Make sure you return the books as you found them” were just some of the commands, which he also used at home.

My mother was possessive. She always introduced Rae as “her friend first,” and the women and men on the Center staff were all “her favorites” and shared many lunches, trips, and afternoons on the patio with her. And that possessiveness made her her biggest advocate; She would do everything she could, even holding the hand of a friend on the floor of her nursing home, until last week, when that friend passed away.

My mother was a sweet and charming lady. Many of you have told me that. My response was normally: “Thanks, but you don’t live with her”! My mother, like her sister and brother, could fool you with a look and fortunately only some of us know the way to dress that can be shown when she is angry. She would never admit her bad side; just to remind me that I had to “take it easy”, especially with her. A deep breath, a roll of his eyes, and a “Don’t tell Janie” were usually on the cards.

Every day for the last ten years, I have been blessed with my mother. We get closer than ever; we talk about everything. We did things we hadn’t done before, like a vacation to Maryland, trips to the casino, and family gatherings like our “Meatball Experience” at Colleen’s house so we could all learn her recipe.

Losing a parent is never easy, just imagine that they will always be there. I have to come to appreciate the support my mother always gave me; She may not always have told me directly, but she was my biggest fan, my confidant, my partner in crime. I will miss our three daily phone calls. I’m so happy that the last time I saw her, when she said, “I love you Jane,” as I had heard billions of times before, I said something to my niece Michelle. he says every time: “Ma, I love you more!”

To use some Maryisms, “This was expected but unexpected” – “I knew it was coming”; but for all of us, as she would say, “I know it’s not easy, but hold on” …