The New Cougar Dating Trend
After more than 20 years of formal international research on the topic of young men dating older women, I see that the Cougar dating trend is changing. I am excited to see the last barrier to male/female relationships finally dissolve and find its own level towards permanence. There are still older women who want a child’s toy or a no-strings-attached relationship. They may be permanently fed up with pursuing something long-term, don’t want to remarry, and enjoy the freedom of having a friend with benefits where there is limited or no drama. And that’s fine. As I often say on my Cougar dating site, “There’s a lid for every pot.” But what I notice and hear from men and women on my site is that younger men who are not “thrill seekers” or inexperienced in cougar dating and women who have had positive experiences dating younger men and they don’t want to go back to dating men their own age or older who are looking for something more lasting, meaningful and, dare I say it? Permanent.
Yes, the statistics on my site show that around 90% of women are looking for love and maybe even marriage with a younger man. The BBC reported in a documentary that 25% of our neighbors across the pond are happily married to younger men. 30% of older women are open to dating younger men in the United States. Although there are plenty of newcomers to Cougar dating, 45% of women who have dated younger men before don’t plan on dating men their age or older again. I am finding that older Cubs, primarily mature young men in their 20s and 30s and older, are interested in long-term relationships, especially if they have dated or been married to older women. The Boy Toys (which is what I call the ‘serial players’) tend to be 18 year old men in their mid to even late 20’s who have no experience with women, working under what I have termed “The Myth of the Stiffler’s Mom,” or thrill-seeking. with as many women as can be prey to them. Yes Virginia, 30 year old male virgins do exist, and many of them are looking for an older woman to show them the ropes. The interesting thing is that once they experience a full relationship with an older woman, they are much less inclined to suffer from the immaturity, selfishness, and lack of life experience of a girl their age or younger. This is when many Boy Toys become Cougar dating devotees. As a young cub from Atlanta told me, “I wasn’t looking for love. I wanted to hunt as many cougars as I could and just have fun. And then I met this wonderful woman from New York.” old ladder to fall headfirst into heels with the cougar woman on it. I love when people meet and, as I often say, “there’s a lid for every pot.”
Since Cougar dating is becoming more common in the United States, more and more women are coming out. I see more women from the Midwest and Southern states joining the site this year compared to last year when most members were from larger cities like Los Angeles. The UK and Canada have historically been ‘out’ and you’d be hard pressed to find someone who hasn’t heard the term ‘Cougar’. Hate it or love it, it’s here to stay, which is why women are beginning to embrace it and define it for themselves. It is losing its derogatory connotation and men are realizing that there is no single definition for Cougar. As myths of leopard print wear, the female predator give way to soccer moms, secretaries, bank tellers, lawyers, the everyday woman replaces the teenage male fantasy, and women are more comfortable looking to men 7 years or more younger than them. saying “why not?” And more and more young men are telling me they are falling for their Cougar women.
The addition of Cougar dating is leading to worldwide acceptance of this intergenerational dating trend; a trend that is here to stay. My members are coming out to their friends and family. Actuaries will even agree that, statistically speaking, it makes sense for an older woman to meet, date, mate, and marry a younger man. I recently spoke with a retired Harvard-educated physician who told me that biologically it made more sense for a woman in her sexual prime to date and marry a man in her sexual prime. Women enjoy being with a man who is caring, loving, energetic, vital, protective, funny, and has less baggage than his older male counterpart. Men love being with an affectionate, mature woman with a perspective on life, who knows what she wants, who is not needy, insecure or superficial. The pots have found the lids of it. Tapas have found their pots!
It’s just a natural transition and an easy look into the Cougar crystal ball to see the obvious: More long-term relationships and marriages between Cougar and Cub are just around the corner. Thrill seekers, however, do not need to apply.