Coming Out In Midlife – Lesbian Verses Straight Dating
In some ways, finding a lesbian date is similar to finding a male date. There are the same anxieties, the same butterflies, and the same places to go (movies, dinner, clubs). They are getting to know each other and looking for that special someone. But if you’re new to the lesbian dating scene, there are also some key differences to keep in mind.
For starters, you can feel totally free to ask another lesbian woman out. No more waiting by the phone hoping the guy will call you or feeling like you’re being too pushy if you call him. You are free to take the initiative if you are attracted to a woman. In fact, if you don’t act, you may lose!
Next, there is the factor of safety. While it is possible to meet a woman who is unbalanced, most women will not be completely dangerous. You can feel a little more comfortable meeting a woman and not have to worry about being assaulted. While violent crime can occur, it is a bit more unlikely in this case.
In heterosexual dating, many women expect the man to pay for the dates. In lesbian dating, paying for the date can be awkward. No rules. If you initiated the date, you may want to pay. Or your date can offer and insist. Or you can split the bill. The only caution here concerns the obligation. If you go on extra dates and she continues to insist on paying, she may be too nice, rich, and able to afford it, or she may be trying to establish a controlling relationship. Beware.
Another difference in lesbian dating is the age factor. In heterosexual relationships, men are often older than women. This typically limits the age range of your dating pool to the number of years of age difference you’re comfortable with. If you’re comfortable with a 10-year age difference, you’d look for men between your age and 10 years older. In lesbian relationships, there is no such distinction. You can date women significantly older or younger than you. In our example, if you’re comfortable with a 10-year age gap, this means you have 20-year-old women in your dating pool! That is, if you are 40 years old, you could look for a date between 30 and 50 years old.
One last thing to keep in mind. Sex… in lesbian relationships there is no fear of pregnancy. This means there is no contraception. It can be quite a liberating experience if you’ve never been in the situation before. It can also lead to a physical relationship starting before you’re ready for it, so be careful. Another note on sex: while HIV/AIDS is less prominent in the lesbian community, safe sex is still recommended to prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases like genital warts and herpes. On the lighter side, you never have to worry about your partner having a problem with erectile dysfunction!
If you’re coming out for the first time in middle age, you’ll now be a little more prepared about what to expect in the world of lesbian dating. Have fun exploring!