Planning Your Wedding – The First Five Decisions
Who, what, when, where and how (how much)?
WHO: Assuming you already know who the bride and groom will be, the ‘who’ here refers to family and guests. How many people do you hope to invite to your wedding? Is your family big or small? Are you close to them or do you barely know them? Do you and your family know everyone in the city or are you from a big city where your circle of friends is mostly neighbors and co-workers? Start on your list. Have your families work on their lists. Then get ready to be brutal with the red marker pen! Once you start your list with input from your families, you’ll have a better idea of the size of the wedding. You can set some parameters like ‘real friends’ only, no acquaintances, no cousins you’ve never met, definitely no stalking ex-boyfriends (or girlfriends)! Family problems can be poignant, of course. Remember that if your parents are paying for the wedding and reception, they will have the final say on the budget and will want to know who is invited. Try to find a happy medium if you disagree. Just remember that your parents rightfully want to share your happy day and their pride in you with their friends too!
WHAT: Now that you’ve started your guest list, it’s time to refine your wedding style. What will it be like: formal, informal, at church, at the commercial wedding venue, in your hometown, at your current residence, or at a fantasy destination? There are many options. Your guest list will provide you with some guidance in your selections. Where do most of the people you want to invite live? What about grandparents and great-grandparents? Are they capable of travel? If you are close to your grandparents, you should keep them in mind. If you haven’t lived in your hometown in 10 or 15 years, you can choose to have the service where it is now. Consider accommodations for out-of-town guests when choosing a location. You may consider a fantasy destination wedding. Just keep in mind that if your guests are on a budget, they may not be able to attend, no matter how much they love them. That is when you must decide if the destination is more important than the people.
WHEN: Depending on your ‘what’ is your ‘what’, you’ll have a great idea about which season will work best with your wedding style. For example: you live in the deep south. You want a formal wedding, which means guests will be ‘dressed up’ rather than informal. You envision a garden reception, with dinner and dancing in the open air under a tent. Whether you choose a June, July, August, or even September wedding date, the only thing your guests will remember is how miserable they were with sweat running down their personal cracks like rivers.
You must decide what is the most uncompromising aspect of your wedding. In other words, if the date is the most important thing (which can often be the case due to work, school or even military schedules), imagine that you are a guest at your own wedding. What will the experience be like for them? Your memories of how well your reception turned out will depend in part on how much fun your guests are having. If they enjoy the celebration, you will too! That said, if a summer (or fall, winter, or spring) date is a must and formality is important, reconsider your garden setting. The more inflexible you are in one area, the more flexible you need to be in others. It is a great practice for married life: the fine art of commitment!
WHERE: Get creative. Make a list of all the possibilities: church halls, homes, private places, parks, lakes, farms, ranches, community centers, restaurants, and hotels. Now record amenities and costs, including catering, beverage service, the need for rentals such as tents, tables, chairs, linens, serving items if not provided by catering staff, parking, and service to give you the end result of comparable expenses. The table will help you decide if the ‘bargain’ place is really a bargain after all. Do not forget about the decoration. The simpler the space, the more it takes to create your vision through decorations. Keep in mind that if you want a Hawaiian theme, hosting your reception in a Louis IV Ballroom will create a very uneven mess of decorations. The matching theme and venue will create a stunning effect. As you visualize your lovely reception, make a list of possible “worst case scenarios”…rain, distance, cold, heat, snow. Prepare for the probability problem and your feathers won’t ruffle if it really happens. You will have a backup plan. In fact, it’s a good idea to think of as many ‘ups’ moments as possible and plan accordingly. While you may not be able to think of everything that could go wrong, this exercise in creating a Plan B will give you the confidence to find a solution to most problems quickly. And if there is no resolution to a particular issue during the middle of the event, the only thing to do is: LAUGH! It’s the boos in life that make the best stories!
How how? As in how much? Be realistic about your budget and what your limits are. How much of the planning can you do yourself? Budgeting for a wedding planner can be a real lifesaver, especially on the day of the wedding when you want to make sure everything is stress-free. Wedding planners are also experts at cutting a budget while creating the wedding look of your dreams. What are the big ticket expenses? Location fees, flowers, cake, food, drinks, rentals (tents, chairs, linens, etc.), music, service staff (waiters, bartenders, valet, etc.) ) add up quickly. Always ask how much something will cost. Get an estimate in writing if possible. Create a budget outline keeping in mind that you can increase funds in one area when another is under budget. Prioritize your expenses. Is it worth serving ice water just at the reception so you can buy an over the top wedding dress?
The little extras you do can be the most memorable for your guests. Welcome bags filled with things to make your out-of-town guests feel more comfortable, such as bottles of water, a glass of wine, snacks for midnight snacks, maps and brochures of local attractions, a schedule of weekend activities of week. Table favors at each place setting, stacked on trays or in baskets, will remind guests of your special day. Waiters greeting guests curbside with trays of ice-cold lemonade on a sweltering summer’s day will get the party started on a great note. We’ll discuss theme planning in another article, but keep in mind that a cohesive look without crossing the line into “theme park mania” will set the mood for your wedding.
Once you start this process, the wedding will be much easier to organize and much more fun. Congratulations, best wishes and above all, have a wonderful life together!
©Marilyn Lewis, 2008